Your college freshman probably thinks of Valentine’s Day as single awareness day or as a day filled with pressure to make grand romantic gestures. While neither ideas are an entirely inaccurate depiction, February 14th can cause your freshman to feel inadequate.

Depending on your freshman’s personality, Valentine’s Day may or may not be a big deal. If your freshman is in a relationship, this day may come with some pressure. If your freshman is not in a relationship, this day may be insignificant or a pain point.

What does Valentine’s Day mean to your freshman? And how can college parents encourage their freshmen on this holiday? They can remember 3 things about their college freshmen.

Your freshman’s worth is not found in a relationship status.

Your freshman may struggle with finding her identity or worth as a person in her relationship status, but you well know that being in a relationship has little to do with having your life together. There are plenty of people who are a wreck and have a serious romantic relationship in their lives.

Single or in a relationship, your freshman should not base her personality, goals, or any other choices on whether or not she is dating. Your freshman is still adapting to college life and adulthood, so finding time to be a serious relationship may be too much for her at this time.

Your freshman may find that this holiday causes her to realize that her boyfriend is not the right person for her. She may be tempted to keep dating that person to avoid feeling lonely or being single again.

Your freshman needs to be fine with being by herself. She needs to accept who she is—the good, the bad, and the ugly. While she does have flaws and areas where growth is needed, she also needs to reach a point where she stops doubting herself and starts growing confidence in her abilities.

Your freshman may constantly feel deficient or inadequate. Assure her that adulthood is a constant learning process. Nobody truly has “it figured out.” Being a relationship is not a sign that she does not have worth as a person.

Your freshman’s value should instead be found in her character. Is your child brave? Does she speak up when she sees wrongdoing? Does she have integrity? Is she willing to do the right thing even when it comes at great personal cost? These qualities are much more important than her relationship status.

Dating statuses come and go. Boyfriends and girlfriends come and go, but what remains is character. This is where your freshman should invest her time and energies.

Your freshman’s desire to in a romantic relationship is not ridiculous.

Although character trumps relationship status any day, your freshman’s desire to be in a romantic relationship is not ridiculous. At this point in her life, she should at least have a desire to have meaningful friendships with people of the opposite gender.

While your freshman is still young, she should be noticing qualities she is looking for in a life partner. Your freshman may be primarily focused on superficial qualities—height, hair color, etc. As your child matures, she will start to realize that character matters most, but she will take longer to learn this if she doesn’t even attempt to date.

When your freshman is in the depths of despair about someone who you think isn’t worth it, remember that failed relationships are part of the learning process. She is seeing what people are and are not worth her time and energy.

Humans were made to have relationships, so in all likelihood your freshman will desire to find a life-long partner. This is normal. Very few college students live completely unaware of their relationship status. They are very aware of their relationship status and the benefits and drawbacks of dating or being single.

If your freshman complains about being single, be careful in your response. Belittling her feelings or responding unsympathetically will probably only push her away. If she doesn’t feel free to express these feelings with you, she may stop sharing with you.

Validate that these feelings are normal and even natural. Remind her character is more important, and also that she still has years ahead her to meet someone. Compliment her in other important areas of her life. Your encouragement will be much appreciated.

Your freshman needs to hear you say “I love you.”

Depending on the culture of your home, you may or may not say “I love you” very often. If you’re not in the habit of communicating love to your freshman, make an effort to do so. Your words will go farther if they are demonstrated in your actions as well.

Regardless of whether your freshman is dating, she needs your support. Your child needs to see that no matter her relationship status her parents will always be there for her.

When you do express love to your freshman, be genuine, honest, and specific about why you love her. While her academic or athletic accomplishments are applaudable, try complimenting her based on character qualities. The same principle is true of looks. If your freshman is in particularly good shape, well-dressed, or good-looking, these are admittedly admirable qualities. However, her character is still far more important. Her confidence should come from who she is, not what she has done or what she looks like.

Most freshman will greatly appreciate gifts that show your support and affection too. Depending on your child’s personality, she may greatly appreciate a gift on Valentine’s Day. In general, a daughter will be more likely to appreciate a gift than a son. However, college students of any age or gender appreciate free things, especially food.

Your freshman will appreciate reminders of home. She likes to think that even though she’s not at home, she is still being thought of during this day. Remember that the thought is more important than the gift itself, so try to be creative. Your gift doesn’t need to be a grand gesture and can be something small but meaningful.

Your freshman will not turn down a gift card to her favorite restaurant, a hand-written note, or a care package with food from home. If you need some inspiration, look at these gift guides from Grown and Flown or USA Today.

Your freshman wants to be remembered and loved, even if she’s not home anymore. Knowing your freshman, demonstrate your love for her in ways that she will appreciate.

This Valentine’s Day encourage your single or dating freshman. Validate her desire to be a romantic relationship. Support her through your words and actions. Most importantly, invest in her life even though you may live far away. Your acts of love will not go unnoticed or unappreciated.