“I’m probably that person,” a student hesitantly admitted.

This student in my class couldn’t help own up to being a student that didn’t regularly check their email.

Most people feel frustrated when others are infrequent in their communication.

Your parents, your teachers, your friends, and even your employer expect you to follow some “rules” of communication.

But sometimes, college freshmen don’t know these rules or “etiquette” for communication until after they make some painful mistakes that impact their grades, relationships, etc.

While there are sometimes different preferences based on your location, below are three etiquette rules to guide your communication as an adult!

Emailing

Emailing is probably not your preferred method of communication, but it’s also not going away anytime soon.

Emails are the one place your professor or potential employer can guarantee you’ll get a message (even if you rarely check it).

So what are some of the sometimes unsaid rules of emailing that you should know?

Below are some helpful guidelines:

• Response speed: In an academic setting, most professors and instructors expect you to check your email daily. If they request something or ask you a question, they typically anticipate a reply within 24 hours. In a work setting, sometimes employers expect an even quicker response or update.

• Formality: In an academic setting, your teachers prefer you refer to them by their title (i.e. Dr.) unless they instruct you otherwise. In a work setting, most employers prefer to be referred to on a first name basis. (If you’re unsure what they prefer, air on the side of being too formal rather than too casual.) In both settings, proper grammar, use of complete sentences, spelling, and punctuation are expected.

• Length: In both academic and work settings, most recipients prefer a shorter message that is to the point. Short paragraphs, bullet points, and lists, are preferable to long emails that seem to ramble.

You might feel annoyed or even anxious about emailing now, but mastering the skill of emailing while in your first year of college can help place you far ahead of your peers.

*I’ve written several posts about emailing. Check these posts out!

• How to Email Your College Professor

• 3 Things NOT to Say in an Email to Your College Professor

• 5 Places to Check Before Emailing a Question to Your College Professor

• When to Contact Your College Professor

Texting/Messaging

When I was a graduate student, I taught approximately 100 students each school year. 

One of the biggest shocks to me about teaching for the first was how bold some of my students were when they saw me outside of class.

While eating meals on campus with some graduate school classmates, students would sometimes approach me to ask me a question about class.

During the evening and night hours, I would occasionally have students message me over social media (even though I did not share my social media or accept friend requests from current students).

This may not seem like a big deal to you, but if I flipped the narrative it might seem a little odd.

Let’s say your teacher stopped by your dorm room throughout the semester asking for you to turn in paperwork. 

Or let’s say your teacher regularly texts you while you’re in other classes, at work, or cramming for a test.

You would probably feel at least annoyed by both of these scenarios.

So what are some unsaid “rules” that can help you know how to manage your texting and/or messaging?

Below are some general etiquette principles to guide you:

• Communicating with teachers: Unless your teacher specifically requested you message or text them, don’t. If your teacher gives you personal contact information for emergencies, hesitate for a while before texting or messaging. Check every piece of information provided. Ask a classmate. Look on the course’s online page. Then, send your message in the method they instructed on their syllabus (or in class).

• Communicating with an employer/coworker: Depending on the type of job you work, the “rules” of texting might look different. If your work is closed over the weekend, save your text until the work week. This helps to respect their personal boundaries like you’d like them to respect yours. If your work is open during the weekend, hesitate before reaching out to a coworker or manager who is off for the weekend. Check everywhere you can before reaching out to them.

• Communicating with friends and family: The rules of messaging and texting can look completely different with your friends and family. In general, your parents prefer an occasional phone call to a text, but a text is better than no communication. In general, friends would prefer a text to a phone call. Phone calls with friends are typically for urgent or emergency-type situations. 

• Communicating with significant others: If you are dating someone, you likely have already figured out that communication is very important. Communicating with them is a way of showing you value them. Even when you’re thinking about breaking up, communicating matters. It may be less awkward for you to break-up over a text or simply to cut off contact, but if you were in their shoes you’d probably prefer a phone call or face-to-face conversation.

Introducing Yourself

Meeting people can be hard. 

Knowing how to start the conversation and what to say takes practice.

Without some real practice, however, these skills won’t magically improve.

Does it really matter if you know how to introduce yourself face-to-face or online? Why should you care? 

You’ll continue to meet people throughout the rest of your life. Whether you start a new job, move to a new area, or enter a new class, you’ll have to interact with people you didn’t know beforehand.

Some of these new connections will be personal. Some of them will be professional. But all new connections have the potential to help shape you as a person and “open doors” for you.

So what are some of the guidelines to meeting new people?

Below are a few ideas to help you get more comfortable introducing yourself to new people:

• Share your name and a personal connection (when you have one). While this may seem obvious, sometimes freshmen can either appear overly confident or shy about sharing their name and a personal connection (if you have one). Be cautious about appearing like you’re trying to impress others. (The goal isn’t to impress them but to help build a connection.)

• Find a point of commonality. Without commonality, a person will have a hard time feeling connected to you. If you’re a friend of a friend, include that. If you’re a fellow student at your campus, share your major or year of study. Ask them about themselves, then link a detail of their life to your own.

• Ask questions more than talking. One of the biggest traps is oversharing. When feeling uncomfortable, you may find yourself talking way too much. To avoid this pitfall, focus the conversation on them. Ask them questions about their likes, dislikes, major, etc. People love to share about themselves and often will carry the conversation for you.

• Remember your conversation. When you’re meeting new people all the time, recalling the details of your conversations can be challenging. But remembering people’s names, thoughts, and experiences later can help them feel a stronger connection with you.

Communicating in an adult world can feel intimidating and filled with potential awkward moments. 

By working to get more comfortable with emailing, texting/messaging, and introducing yourself, you can ease your way into these skills you will use the rest of your life.