How to Make Friends at College

You don’t want to arrive too early to class, because you feel awkward. What in the world do you say to the guy sitting next to you in class? You have no idea. You decide to take out your phone and look at nothing in particular. You put in your headphones, avoid eye contact and sit down. Thankfully class will start soon.

By now the excitement has probably worn off. You’re here at college. You might honestly feel alone. Yes, surrounded by thousands of people and you feel lonely. You’re not alone. Many people around you feel this way too. Getting good at making new friends takes practice like anything else. Try using these 4 practical steps.

Be friendly.

Duh! This is not a new concept. You might be thinking: “I’m just not good at meeting new people.” In reality, very few people are “good” at meeting new people. It can be awkward, uncomfortable and embarrassing. But it can also be incredibly rewarding.

Meeting new people starts with being friendly. That’s it. If you’re not a talkative person, no worries. Speaking isn’t actually required to be friendly. You can smile, look someone in the eyes, grab her the class worksheet before passing it on or move your backpack so he can sit next to you.

If you’re a talkative person, speaking kind words can also help break the ice (e.g. “I really like your phone case.”). You may feel so uncomfortable doing this. But remember meeting new people just takes one simple action of kindness.

Ask questions.

After my junior year of college, I traveled 12 weeks on a recruitment team for my university. I learned what works and doesn’t work when trying to meet people. The #1 thing that works without fail is asking people questions about themselves.

People love talking about themselves (myself included). Ask them about where they’re from, where they’ve lived, what their major is, what dorm they live in or what classes they are taking. You’ll come to realize that you really don’t have to talk that much. They’ll do most of the talking for you.

Listen well.

Confession: I don’t love small talk. I especially don’t love listening to rambling stories that seem to have no end. So for me this can be one of the harder parts. To listen well to a person requires energy and focused attention. Don’t wait for her to pause so you can escape. Really take interest in his answers. And make sure you remember her name.

Helpful tip: If you have as much trouble remembering names as I do, try this next time. After your classmate introduces himself, use his name in your conversation. For example:

    You: Hey my name’s Rachel! What’s yours?

    Him: Josh.

    You: Nice to meet you, Josh! Is this your last class of the day?

You’ll find it’s much easier to remember his name next time. Like the saying goes, “if you don’t use it, you lose it.”

What do you do after making that initial contact? You won’t magically have more friends if you stop here.

Follow up.

This is crucial. Someone has to take the initiative to follow up. The conversation might end with the other person saying, “we should grab a meal sometime.” But if nobody actually sets a time to meet up, this will never happen.

Be the person who takes initiative. Follow up with specific times that work for you. Ask her to check right then what works for her. Set a meeting time, exchange numbers, text to confirm and then meet up.

Making friends can be a long and frustrating process. It really can. When you’re in college, you have so much in common with other students. Take advantage of that! Be friendly, ask questions, listen well and follow up. Before long you’ll find yourself feeling not so alone.