How to Prevent Roommate Conflict
You’re arguing, but you’re not exactly sure why he’s so upset. So you ate his food? Who cares? It’s not that big of a deal. You can just pay him back. No harm, no foul.
The reality is this argument is probably not really about you eating his food. The real issue is respect. You don’t respect your roommate enough to ask his permission first. He wouldn’t have a problem with you eating his food occasionally. He just wants you to ask first. This conflict could’ve been prevented if you simply set up some room rules about food.
Every dorm room has its own unique challenges. You may find that you get along fine with your roommates. Great! Or you may have already had some tense situations with your roommates. Whatever your roommate situation, try these 4 tips to prevent roommate conflict.
Form a roommate contract.
Everyone has quirks: things that you like, things you can’t stand, etc. But when you’re living in a tiny room and have little personal space, little issues can cause big-time conflict.
Prevent unnecessary conflict in your room by forming a roommate contract. Be clear and specific about what will or won’t be allowed in your dorm room. Everyone should have a voice in the making of this contract. Come to an agreement as a room. Unanimous consensus means unanimous obligation. No one is an exception to the roommate contract.
Share your preferences.
Lay out your preferences. Be honest. What time do you usually like to go to sleep? When will you be trying to work on homework in the room? Who is not allowed to visit the room? If you don’t tell your roommates, they’ll never know.
A simple thing that roommates often forget to discuss is room temperature. Believe me this little thing can become a big issue. For example, you may like the room cold at night. But your other roommate likes it warm. Whoever goes to bed last gets to set the room temperature. You try to stay up the latest, so you have control. But some nights you go to bed earlier, and your roommate controls the temperature.
This situation gets old very quickly. And (if you’re a conflict avoider like I am) it only frustrates you more the longer you don’t talk about it. Prevent this and other similar scenarios by talking about your preferences.
Be willing to compromise.
Living with other people requires some compromise. Compromise means you get some and you give some. You can’t control everything about your room like at home. You are living with other people. Be prepared to compromise.
Tell your roommates you prefer to keep the room cold at night. Then ask what they prefer. If they like it warm, you will have to come up with a compromise. Be willing to meet somewhere in the middle.
Side note: if you work together, you may be able to find out how you can both get what you want. Maybe you keep a privacy blanket in front of your bed at night that blocks the air from getting in. Remove the blanket. Suggest your roommate try using a privacy blanket to keep the cold air from bothering her. This way you can keep the AC on high but your roommate still stays warm.
Own up to your faults.
This requires humility. No one likes to admit he was wrong. If you did something that was not thoughtful or considerate, apologize. Taking ownership for wrong actions is often the best way to prevent more conflict.
Apologizing won’t remove the consequences of what you did, but it will help to resolve the conflict. Own up to it. Admit you were wrong. Don’t make excuses. Don’t blame someone else. Don’t avoid the issue. Be honest and take responsibility.
Conflict with your college roommates will happen. It may be about something really small. It may be a big issue. Whether an issue is big or small, prevent unnecessary conflicts with your roommates by forming a room contract, sharing your preferences, being willing to compromise and owning up to your faults. Deal with preventable conflict before it begins.
