College is not the same as high school. It is much more difficult. While you repeatedly told your child this before college, she is now realizing this first-hand for herself. Your freshman is experiencing the difficult combination of freedom and responsibility but is failing to make wise choices in both areas.

In college, parents do not have the same access to their freshmen’s grades. However, the average college freshman struggles to communicate poor grades to parents. So, if your freshman does call home to tell you about her poor grades, how can you help?

5 Ways College Parents Can Help

1. Assess your freshman’s current situation.

In this whole process, know that fixing the problem for your child is not the solution, because it does not deal with the real problem—whatever is causing your child’s poor academic performance. Your role is to support your child, so they can succeed.

Begin helping your freshman by asking questions. Don’t accuse or make excuses. Instead, listen. Try asking questions like these:

• Do you know why your grades are so low?

• How do you prepare for each class?

• How many hours do you spend on homework daily?

• How much sleep are you getting?

• Are you eating and exercising regularly?

• How many hours do you spend socializing each day?

• How do you spend a typical weekday?

• Have you tried to get help with your classes?

You will have to “read between the lines.” You know your child pretty well, so you can tell how much is exaggerated and how much is accurate. Avoid correcting or scolding at this point. The purpose of asking all of these questions is to help your freshman think through how her daily decisions are impacting her current situation.

2. Ask “what if” questions.

Young adults often struggle to connect actions with consequences. So, after discussing how past actions impact current consequences, you can help your child see how current actions will impact future consequences.

Ask many “what if” questions. Questions like these help your child to start thinking through her options. Try asking questions like these:

• What if you aren’t able to pull up your grades by the end of the semester?

• What if you push hard and pull up your grades?

• What will happen if you stick to a regular routine?

• What if you lose your academic scholarships?

• What if you have to retake these classes?

• What if you are dismissed from college due to poor grades?

These questions should be scary to your freshman. She should start to see that her consequences will only get worse if she doesn’t radically change her behavior. But she needs to come to this conclusion on her own.

3. Encourage your freshman to talk to an academic advisor.

If your freshman has not contacted her academic advisor, she should do so immediately. But again, your freshman needs to see the need for this. So (not to sound like a broken record but) ask her who she thinks would be wise to contact.

Be sure your child plans when to meet and what to ask. Encourage your child to come claiming full responsibility for her grades. Blaming others or circumstances will not arouse the sympathy of the advisor. Make sure your child comes with specific questions to which she wants specific answers.

4. Advise your freshman to make a plan.

After meeting with an advisor, your freshman can now come up with a tangible plan to turn the semester around. Helping your child see that there is hope is important. Many freshmen get so overwhelmed at this point that they give up. Encourage your child that she can do it, but it will require working hard.

Ask her to come up with a plan on her own. Then call and ask to see the plan. Give advice or suggestions when helpful, but again your child needs to take ownership of this plan. She needs to set specific goals for each day until Thanksgiving break.

5. Check if your freshman is following through.

Following through is always one of the trickiest parts. A little encouragement and accountability from you can go a long way. But be so careful to avoid nagging, which may make your child feel like you’re treating her like a kid.

Send encouraging texts and cards. Tell your freshman that you know she can do it. Also be careful to avoid external rewards. At this point, your freshman should want to do well for herself without needing a reward for good behavior.

Is there anything more frustrating than seeing your child struggle? This stage of parenting is more than challenging. It’s hard to sit by while your child tanks her GPA. Thankfully, you can help.