10 Things You Shouldn’t Say to Your College Professor and What You Should Say Instead
Talking to your professor or instructor is intimidating and sometimes awkward. Why? You don’t have the same kind of relationship with college faculty as you did with your high school instructors. You also don’t have history with college faculty members, so you’re not sure what’s normal to expect in your interactions.
Whether you’re talking with your teacher in-person or emailing them, you are new to this experience. You don’t know what you should not say. You also may struggle to know when to ask questions in a professional way.
All of this is new to you. As a result, you can sometimes ask questions to which you already have the answers (if you carefully look at the information provided you). When this happens, you can appear lazy to your instructors and professors.
Avoid appearing lazy by discovering what things you should never say to a college instructor or professor and what things you should say instead.
Don’t ask: “How old are you?”
This may seem obvious, but asking how old an adult is can come across as nosy and rude. The age of your instructor or professor has little to do with their ability.
While a faculty member may look too young or too old to teach, don’t judge a book by its cover. Just like you don’t want your teachers to make snap judgments about you based on your appearance, avoid judging your teachers based on how old they look.
Don’t ask: “Do you have a graduate degree?”
Assessing your professor or instructor’s credentials or qualifications shouldn’t be something with which you concern yourself. You have many other factors that should occupy your thoughts—the course material, course assignments, etc.
If you find yourself legitimately questioning your teacher’s ability, try to understand their point of view. They may be teaching your class using a different method. They likely have a specific purpose for instructing and/or lecturing the way they do.
Instead: Trust the college’s hiring process.
Your college has carefully selected this faculty member. In order to qualify for teaching on the college level, your instructor has had to pass a rigorous hiring process. They needed to have the right education, the teaching ability, and more. Leave worrying about your teacher’s credentials to your college.
Don’t say: Their first name
Calling a professor or instructor by their first name is too casual for college. Unless your teacher has specifically requested you use their first name, assume they prefer you use their official title.
Instead say: Their title
Your professors and instructors worked hard to earn the degrees they hold. When you are unsure of what title they hold, err on the side of caution and call them doctor. Here are a few other guiding principles:
Avoid using Mrs., unless your teacher has requested being called a Mrs. (If you know your teacher is female and does not have a doctorate, Ms. is an appropriate professional title even if this teacher is married.)
Check your course syllabus and your online course pages when searching for your teacher’s preferred title.
Don’t ask: “Why did you give me this grade?”
Grades are earned, not given. This question then is flawed, because you earned the grade you received. More importantly, this question comes across as being entitled. For whatever reason, you think you deserved a better grade.
Instead ask: “Do you have any suggestions on how I can improve?”
This question shows recognition of owning your grade. This question also shows that your desire is to learn, not simply to earn a specific letter grade. Both ideas make a college teacher feel much more willing to help you.
Your teachers want to help you learn and grow, but many times students do not ask for help. By asking how you can improve, you are admitting you need help and that you are struggling. This helps your teacher know how to help you.
Don’t ask: “When is this due?”
This is one of the laziest questions a student can ask. Why? All of this information is on the course syllabus (and has been likely stated in class too). This question comes across to a teacher as needing to be “spoon fed.” A simple look at the syllabus will reveal this information.
Instead ask: “I’ve checked the course syllabus and I want to confirm the due date is _______, is this correct?”
Sometimes your syllabus or your teacher can be confusing. Confirming that confusing information is correct can help you avoid painful mistakes.
**Note: Most of the time, however, your syllabus or online course page is fairly clear. You simply need to take a few minutes to search for due dates.
Don’t say: “Before you said ________, now you’re saying________…”
This statement sounds accusatory, because it uses “you” language. This statement places all of the blame on the teacher. As a result, most teachers will respond at least slightly defensively to these kinds of statements and mentally label you as an aggressive and difficult student.
Instead say: “I’m lost” or “I don’t understand.”
Both statements place ownership on you. They do not make accusations, but acknowledge that you may have somehow misunderstood or misheard information. A teacher is much more willing to help a student who approaches them this way.
**Note: You also should state how you’ve tried to understand the information. Simply saying, “I’m lost” may make you sound lazy if you don’t also add how you’ve tried to find the solution.
Don’t ask: “Do we need to know this for the test?”
In high school, this may have been a fairly typical question. In college, this question makes you look lazy and sometimes less intelligent. How? This kind of question hints at an underlying attitude of “what do I need to know to get this class over with?” It also downgrades the class lecture and class discussion, since it’s only focused on a test not applying the information to real life.
Instead ask: Questions that promote deeper thinking on the topic
Whatever you are discussing in class, you want to offer questions or answers that encourage thinking on a deeper level about the topic. So what does this look like?
Use “how” and “why” questions. These questions naturally show a desire to dig deeper, to explore concepts on a higher level.
Add a comment that connects with a classmate’s comment. This shows that you are engaged and striving to incorporate what others are adding to the discussion.
Ask questions and make comments that encourage more discussion. This is key to being a good student. If your comments do not cause more discussion or encourage others to add, you need to work to understand the material better before coming to class. (However, don’t cause unnecessary tension and make offensive comments to get a reaction. This kind of discussion usually distracts from the content.)
Don’t ask: “Can you pre-grade/check my work?”
While you want to earn the best grade possible, this probably isn’t the best way to earn the best grade. Your teacher will likely interpret these requests as laziness.
You have the tools to do this assignment, otherwise your teacher would not have assigned it. A simple look at the instructions or your class notes will likely be all you need to complete your assignment. If you still have doubts, take advantage of resources like the writing center at your college to get detailed help and feedback.
**Note: As a college instructor, I truly dislike it when students ask this question. Why? I know that if I don’t point every little detail that could be improved, they will contest their grade later. I want to provide them help, but the detailed help they're looking for is not the type of help they really need at this point. I want them to learn through going through this process on their own.
Instead ask: “I want to make sure I’m headed in the right direction, could I talk through my assignment with you?”
This approach is much better. Not only does it take pressure off your teacher, but it allows your teacher to give the kind of input that can drastically improve the quality of your work.
Don’t ask: “Did I miss anything when I was gone?”
This question can be incredibly insulting to a teacher who has spent hours preparing an engaging and insightful lecture. Of course, you missed something, but that’s not really what this question is asking. This question can imply “did I miss anything that will impact my grade or that is worth my time?” Neither option helps you look good in your teacher’s eyes.
Instead say and ask: “I know I missed class. Besides getting notes from a classmate, is there anything else I can do to make up for this absence?”
This question takes ownership and shows responsibility. It shows you’re putting in the effort to get materials you missed. Your teacher is much more likely to extend a helping hand when approached this way.
Don’t say: “I’m going to turn this in late.”
While the honesty is admirable and appreciated, this statement can make you sound like you have an entitled attitude. It shows an assumption that you’re fine to turn in assignments late. You’re not really asking permission or forgiveness.
Instead ask: “Can I get partial credit for a late assignment?”
This question asks permission. It doesn’t act based on assumption. Your teacher may or may not be willing to give you credit, but they may be more likely to extend grace if you ask in this way.
Don’t say: “I’m coming to your office at _____.”
An email or a comment containing this statement but missing no context for this statement will not be received well by a teacher. Why? Again, this statement shows a slightly entitled attitude. Not asking for permission, this appointment is thrusted on a busy college teacher who may not be able to meet with a student at a certain time or on a certain date.
Instead ask: “I have a question about ______, when is a good time for me to stop by your office and ask my question?”
This question asks permission and explains the context of this meeting. It shows respect for the teacher’s schedule. A teacher is much more willing to help a polite student.
Start off your college years on the right foot by helping yourself appear polite, respectful, and hardworking. Instead of coming across negatively, use these tips to help you navigate the student-teacher relationship. This teacher (yours truly) will thank you and yours will too.
