“​​Is it OK to be afraid of going to college?”

Going to college is a big deal.

Even though your high school graduate is one of many students attending college, they aren’t alone in feeling afraid about going to college.

While their fears may sometimes seem irrational or illogical, their feelings are very real.

So how can you help your fearful child who's headed to college soon? Below are three tips to help:

1. Encourage problem-solving.

2. Encourage healthy coping strategies.

3. Encourage action, not reaction.

Before proceeding, I’d like to share a great article that provides a “6-month to send off” guide that is excellent.

But if you have less than six months, it’s not too late to implement these three tips…

Encourage problem-solving.

Problem-solving is a basic but essential skill that your soon-to-be college freshman will need to face college.

So what may be some signs your child needs to grow in their problem-solving skills?

• If your high school grad struggles with procrastination, they may be delaying action due to feeling highly anxious or unprepared. 

• If your high school grad struggles with decision paralysis, they may feel unsure as to how they should go about solving their problems.

Without the skill to solve their own problems, your child’s greatest fears may become a reality.

By working alongside your high school grad, you can provide guidance and support when needed while helping them keep developing this critical skill. Here are some tips to help you in that process:

• Listen without offering advice. Listening without advising is very difficult, but presenting solutions actually doesn’t help your child explore possible solutions. Instead, it provides a quick fix and places the ownership of the solution on you. 

• Ask critical thinking questions. Prompting with questions like “What do you think is the worst case scenario if you do _____?” or “What are your possible options?” can help your child take ownership of the problem-solving process.

• Withhold “I told you so” or “You know what you should have done” comments. Your child likely won’t “hit it out of the park” on every decision they make, and that’s okay. Trial-and-error is part of learning to solve problems on their own. 

Encourage healthy coping strategies.

College will be stressful, even if your child is high-achieving and extremely capable.

On the days when they feel overwhelmed, stressed, or fatigued, your child will likely turn to a coping mechanism.

Without a strategy for managing these situations, unhealthy coping mechanisms may creep into your child’s life.

How can you help your child establish healthy coping strategies before the stress of college begins? Here are a few suggestions:

• Model healthy coping strategies. Though your child is well beyond their years of copying your every action and word, they still pick up on how you react to unpleasant or stressful situations.

• Work through their stress alongside them. Being away from home can sometimes cause freshmen to feel a little “lost” as to how to handle stress. Working through their stress with them by asking how to help and or what they think would help can help them craft solutions for themselves.

Encourage action, not reaction.

The last few years have been quite literally out of your child’s control.

Their college years will “throw many curveballs” at them too.

Learning to act, rather than react, can help them take ownership of their college years and ease their fears.

How can you help your child act instead of react? Here are a few suggestions:

• Let them work through their feelings. Your child may be very expressive, venting on a regular basis about their frustrations. Allowing them to process their feelings takes time and is often inconvenient, but until they're ready they likely won’t act.

• Ask “what” questions. “What do you think you should do?” or “How do you think you can resolve this situation?” helps them hear their thoughts aloud and evaluate these options for themselves.

• Ask “why” and “how” questions. “Why do you think this will fix the problem?” and “How do you think this action will impact you and others involved?” can help your child think through the consequences of their choices.

Being fearful of the unknown is not unique to your child.

College is full of uncertainty, new experiences, and possible challenges.

Giving them the tools to work through their worries can help them feel more confident and possibly more excited about beginning their college years.