My Child Is Not Excited About College: 4 Tips for Engaging With Your Unenthused Incoming Freshman
My child doesn’t get excited when talking about college. Is this normal?
Some incoming college freshmen don’t get excited about the start of college. In fact, some parents believe that this experience is common with first-born children.
This lack of excitement actually makes sense when you take a step back and look at college from a freshman’s point of view.
They’ve never experienced college. They don’t really know what they’re getting themselves into.
All they do know is that this upcoming stage of life is one in which they leave behind some comforts, relationships, and social norms.
So how should you respond to your freshman’s lack of enthusiasm? Below are 4 tips to help!
Hesitate to read into their lack of excitement.
Your freshman’s lack of excitement may not be a reflection of wanting to go to college or not wanting to go to college.
It may not be a reflection of how they feel about leaving home.
It also may not be a reflection of how they feel about living in the dorms.
It’s hard to know what this lack of excitement really means, but that’s okay. Right now, your freshman doesn’t need to know exactly what they feel and why they feel the way they do.
They’re undergoing a lot of change very soon and processing how they feel may take them a while. (This isn’t unusual for someone of this age.)
Refuse to force excitement.
“Aren’t you excited about ___________ ?” may seem like a fairly innocuous question that you use as a prompt to begin a conversation about college.
It may, though, seem like you’re forcing excitement on your freshman who doesn’t currently feel that excitement.
Your freshman likely has mixed feelings about the future. Pushing them to feel something they do not feel isn’t likely to change their feelings (and is more likely to backfire).
Rather than forcing a conversation, make yourself available to talk about college if they want to talk. There’s no need to encourage them to fake feelings they don’t feel.
Wait for your freshman to express excitement.
Your child may not be there yet, but they also won’t be unexcited forever.
They may not express excitement to you until they’re months into college.
They may not express this excitement until they’re home on a break.
Taking ownership of their college experience is important, because this time of life is more “on their shoulders” than yours.
Allowing them to arrive at these feelings when they have them allows you to take a back seat and helps them grasp they’re the one that mostly makes or breaks their college experience.
Celebrate with your freshman (when they’re ready).
What an enjoyable experience to celebrate with a child who is excited!
Their wins feel like your wins (indirectly). Their successes feel like your successes (indirectly).
Allowing them to approach you and openly express their excitement helps them see you as their cheerleader and supporter.
Your feelings about college are likely stronger than theirs are. Your freshman may not be excited now or seem thrilled at the prospect of move-in day or the start of classes.
Letting them take ownership sometimes means giving them space to feel and express themselves differently than you expected.
