What the First Month of College Is Like for Your College Freshman
Walking around campus, she felt like she didn’t belong here. What was so great about this? It was miserable. She didn’t know anybody. She felt overwhelmed to the point of tears. Why did everyone tell her this would be the best time of her life?
This girl was me. I was a fairly prepared high school student who worked jobs, played musical instruments, and got straight A’s. I even had siblings who had provided numerous tips about managing a college schedule. But I was still extremely stressed.
Your college freshman is going through many changes all simultaneously. Your child is alone with unprecedented freedom. This culture shock will challenge even the most equipped student. Here are 5 insights into the first month of your college freshman’s life.
1. Your college freshman has few connections to home.
Maybe for the first time every, your child is separated from most if not all familiar faces. Almost everyone is a brand new person. Even if your child did come knowing a few faces, he will probably not run into these people by chance.
She probably doesn’t have a shoulder to cry on or a listening ear. He's too ashamed or embarrassed to call home. She doesn't want you to know how scared she is. His professors are scary and his roommates are scarier. She needs help but doesn’t want it from you, and that’s ok because . . .
2. Your college freshman has independence.
She's free. He's free to be who he wants to be, to eat cereal for dinner and to throw his clean laundry into a messy pile on his bed. She might make poor decisions, but these are her decisions. Both terrified and excited, he's calling the shots.
Yes, she will make dumb decisions. Yes, he’ll procrastinate, lose his ID card, sleep through his alarm clock or watch way too much Netflix. But for the first time ever she gets to make all her decisions. He loves it!
3. Your college freshman has responsibility.
With her new-found freedom, she has great responsibility. No longer does he have a mother or father monitoring what he should or shouldn’t do. She's completely responsible for her choices.
Practically speaking, this means he gets to learn first-hand the concept of cause and effect. If she skips a class for a week, she doesn't get to earn back those quiz points. If he stays up late at a party, he doesn’t do well on his test early the next morning. If she doesn't monitor her finances, she'll find her bank account empty.
Seeing your child struggle is painful. You want them to be a success. You know how capable he is. Experiencing consequences for good and bad choices is important for your college freshman.
Think back to your first job. Maybe you arrived late to work one morning and received a verbal warning from your manager. Maybe you slacked off and were publicaly reprimanded. These were painful experiences but also times of learning. You never wanted to experience that kind of embarrassment again. Your college freshman is learning similar lessons that only life can teach.
4. Your college freshman has new social circles.
Your college freshman is forming who she wants to be. He probably doesn’t know anyone at college. Even if she does know someone, that person may decide to hang out with a different crowd.
As a parent, you want your child to make friends, to fit in and to be liked. But this experience of being alone mirrors life. After graduating from college or moving to a job, your child is going to have to learn to form friendships again. This experience prepares him for after-college adulthood.
5. Your college freshman has a new living situation.
You want your child to have helpful, supportive roommates. This may happen. But you know that this isn’t always the case.
Side note: In my personal experience not knowing your roommate is actually the best way to go. Having a previous friendship with a roommate can sometimes cause tension in the relationship. Sometimes it works out fine, but living the luxury of living with a familiar face is usually not worth ruining a friendship.
My freshman year of school I had wonderful roommates. Really they were wonderful: kind, helpful and inclusive. But one of my friends did not have the same experience. Her roommates were quiet, moody and sometimes extremely difficult.
This experience is truly a microcosm of real life. You can’t control who you work with or live next door to, but you can learn to coexist with difficult people you don't understand.
Everything has changed for your college freshman. He won’t be the same. But if you want her to become a successful adult, she needs this experience. He needs to be alone, independent, responsible, living with new people and entering new social circles. Letting go is hard. But it is the only way your child can grow into the successful adult you want her to be.
