Saying Goodbye to Your College Freshman Again
You thought that it would be easier second semester, but you’re still a wreck. Should it still be so hard to say goodbye to your freshman?
While there are less unknowns this time around, you now have a better picture of what college will truly be like. Your freshman has grown up. You can easily see that, but you continue to worry about his struggles and frustrations. Will he be able to figure out college?
Saying goodbye is in many ways more difficult this time around. You probably didn’t expect this, but know you’re not alone in feeling this way. You and your freshman are more aware of these 4 pressures challenges looming ahead.
4 Reasons Why Saying Goodbye Is Harder This Semester
1. You know the academic pressures facing your freshman.
When your freshman left for school, he did not fully understand the academic pressures that he would face. While you were fully aware that college would be more difficult than high school, you weren’t sure how much harder it would be for your child. In addition, your freshman was probably unaware of the level of academic pressure at college.
Even if your freshman was unusually prepared for college, he probably still had to adjust some to the academic pressures of first semester. As a result, your child may have faced tremendous stress during this time. While each person handles stress differently, many college freshmen initially react in the extremes—denial or overreaction.
Now that your freshman has experienced an entire semester of college, he is much more aware of the stresses he will face during his second semester. Your freshman will probably handle the stress of college academics better, and you are more aware of the challenging academics ahead.
As a result of the academic pressures of college, your freshman understands what is truly required to get good grades now. Last semester, he may have been slightly clueless as to how professors graded.
Your child may have expected professors to cut him the same slack that his high school teachers did, but he found quite the opposite to be true. Your child may also have failed to study properly for tests or to work ahead on papers and projects. The penalties for doing so in college are much more severe.
This semester your freshman faces the semester fully aware of the work required to succeed. Earning As requires intentional planning, staying on top of his schedule, and getting help early and often. Your freshman has to put in the work, and there are only a few ways you can help from afar.
As a result of the academic pressures of college, your freshman realizes he will start this new semester with many new professors. Unlike high school, your freshman will probably not have the same professors two semesters in row.
Learning how to adjust to a new professor can be a difficult process. Not only does your freshman have to adjust to a different lecturing style, but he also has to adapt to a new grading and assessment style. Your freshman may have not thought this through quite yet, but when classes start he will begin to realize that this part of college academics has changed.
The process of learning a new professor can feel a bit like trial-and-error, which is frustrating for a freshman who is trying to improve his GPA. Watching and hearing about this struggle can be even more distressing.
As the parent, you probably feel these academic pressures indirectly. You feel his stress as he tries to get good grades and adjust to new professors. For these reasons, saying goodbye may be more difficult. Just remember that your freshman is still learning. These struggles are necessary growing pains.
2. You know the social pressures facing your freshman.
When heading to college last semester, your freshman probably did not know many other students. After spending a semester at college, your freshman has met new people and experienced some of the social pressures of college.
The social norms and cues are different in college, and most freshman take a while to adjust to them. As a result of the social pressures at college, many freshmen struggle to find good friends. Entering the second semester, your freshman may expect nothing to have changed since last semester.
While sometimes this is the case, what your child doesn’t realize is that friendships change from semester to semester. Your freshman’s friends may be less close this semester because of having incompatible schedules. Your freshman may find that he meets all sorts of people he clicks with this semester. Only time will tell what will happen.
As a result of the social pressures at college, your freshman may dread going back to his roommates. After a semester, your child likely developed affection or dislike for his roommate(s). Going back to a room where he is disliked or uncomfortable is difficult, and your freshman may be dreading college for this very reason.
Dealing with roommate conflict can be incredibly unpleasant. You heard all about your freshman’s frustrations with his roommate(s) last semester. So, you have a pretty have a good idea of what he’s going back to this semester.
What your freshman may be forgetting is that a new semester allows for a fresh start. Your freshman now knows not to study in his dorm room and to put food out of sight he doesn’t want his roommate to eat. This semester he’s going in with the knowledge of how to avoid roommate issues.
As a result of the social pressures at college, your freshman may dread sitting next to the same kind of classmates for another semester. Unlike high school, college freshmen rarely have the exact same people in their classes two semesters in a row.
That overly competitive, obnoxious, or lazy classmate will not likely be in the same classes with your freshman. Your freshman will probably have entirely new classmates in most classes.
Now your freshman knows how to handle a frustrating classmate. He knows not share his grades with your classmates. He also knows to avoid study groups where his time will probably be wasted. He knows not to give his notes to the classmate who constantly skips classes or is too lazy to take notes.
Now your freshman knows what habits help him succeed. He knows sitting closer to the front of class removes unnecessary distractions. He knows sitting next to classmates who take class seriously help motivate him. He knows to ask questions when he doesn’t understand the material.
This new semester is a chance to learn from past mistakes and to start off on the right foot. So, your freshman knows how to avoid the same pitfalls in this new semester. His loneliness, frustrating roommates, and awkward classmates make him dread going back to college. For these reasons, saying goodbye may be more difficult, but remember your freshman now has a better understanding of the social norms of college.
3. You know the physical pressures facing your freshman.
When heading to college last semester, your freshman likely did not fully understand what adjustments he would experience. Most likely he underestimated the physical adjustments he would experience: no more home-cooked meals, no one to take care of him when he was sick, etc. While he does enjoy being independent and self-sufficient, he may dread heading back into the physical pressures of college.
As a result of the physical pressures of college, your freshman may dread the lack of sleep ahead. Constantly being tired makes college even more difficult. Whether his lack of sleep is due to his busy schedule, poor time management choices, or both, your freshman dreads the exhaustion.
Your freshman enjoyed catching up on sleep while home on winter break. Your freshman also enjoyed sleeping in however late he wanted each day. Getting back into the grind of college sounds exhausting.
After a few weeks, your freshman will be back in the full swing of college. You know that this struggle with tiredness prepares him for life after college and that he will soon bounce back.
As a result of the physical pressures of college, your freshman dreads the lack of good food options. Constantly having to grab a granola bar or a snack from the vending gets old pretty quickly.
Your freshman may also have developed poor eating habits, entirely forgetting to eat throughout the day. Combined with poor sleep, unhealthy eating habits make college life even more difficult. Without food and sleep few people are able to manage regular responsibilities (much less stressful college life) well.
Maintaining a healthy lifestyle at college may seem impossible, but it’s not. It just takes intentional planning and consistent effort. At this point your freshman is learning how to survive, and his health is probably not a priority right now.
As a result of the physical pressures of college, your freshman dreads the competing demands of school and life. Maintaining a balance is difficult even as a parent. If your freshman gives too much in one area, his actions hurts another area.
While in college, the consequences of your freshman’s decisions mainly affect your freshman and no one else. This time of life helps your freshman understand the concept of actions and consequences but on a smaller scale.
Learning to balance college school work and college life takes years to master, and some students fail to master it ever. Your freshman is just in the beginning stages of this process. He will learn and adjust, but it will take time.
4. You know the financial pressures facing your freshman.
When heading to college last semester, your freshman probably didn’t fully comprehend the financial commitment that college is for him. As a result many students do not take class attendance as seriously as they should. They give into the temptation of skipping class when they are unprepared or don’t feel motivated to attend.
Depending on how much your freshman’s tuition costs, a class period can cost somewhere around $50. So, if your freshman earns $10 an hour at his job, he will need to work at least 5 hours before earning enough to pay for that skipped class period.
At this point, hopefully your freshman is more aware of the financial burden of college. Second semester is probably tighter financially than first semester. If your child is covering the majority his costs, he may be stressed about where the money will come from for bills.
As a result of the financial pressures of college, your freshman may need to find a job. If your freshman has little experience looking for work, like most freshman do, he may be slightly clueless as to how this process usually works. While getting a job in retail or food service may be his first choice, encourage him to set his sights slightly higher. Using his connections, as you know, is usually the best way to find a good job.
The process of finding work is incredibly time-consuming, especially to a full-time college student who already has limited time. Constantly hunting for work can also be exhausting. Your freshman may feel overwhelmed by looking for work.
As a result of the financial pressures of college, your freshman may need to get student loans. While this should never be a freshman’s first choice, getting a loan may be the only way your child can continue his education. Loans, however, can be incredibly confusing and complicated to an inexperienced person.
The pressure of understanding the complicated language and getting a good deal can be difficult for even an exceptionally intuitive freshman. Feeling this pressure, your freshman be struggling with heading back to college. He likes being at home where everything is free for him, because at college he can barely afford to pay for basic items like food.
As a result of the financial pressures of college, your freshman may be stressing about paying for textbooks and supplies. Textbooks can be incredibly expensive. Your freshman probably learned that not all the books listed on syllabi are required and that he can rent most of his books fairly cheaply.
Last semester, your freshman may have bought everything brand new only to learn that this was an unnecessary expense. He won’t make the same mistakes this semester.
You may feel these financial pressures directly or indirectly, depending on who is paying for his education. Getting a job or loans can make going back to college a stressful experience, and you are aware of these struggles. Help where you can but also remember that his taking financial responsibility of his education is important.
Your freshman is continuing to learn, and the his frustrations and struggles are normal. While you would love for your freshman to be dominating every aspect of college at this point, you know that adjusting to college will take time. While saying goodbye may never get easier, know your freshman has grown so much and will continue to grow throughout this next semester.
