How to Spend Meaningful Time With Your High School Graduate Before College
“This is a bittersweet part of parenthood . . . this transition from having them home to watching them leave. My head knows this is a good thing, but my heart . . . it just hurts,” Heather Duckworth shares.
“Thoughts hang over my head like a dark cloud . . . trying to steal the joy from the present moments. I shake my head, trying to force those wistful feelings away. I don’t want the sadness of what is to come to take away the happiness of today.” She continues, “I am finding that I have to remind myself of that often during this 18th summer because every moment seems bittersweet.”
While worries may be swirling around your mind, you know that this summer is important. You have an opportunity to prepare and invest in your newly graduated child. You want to take advantage of every day left before your child leaves for college. How can you spend meaningful time with him this summer break? Plan for these 3 situations.
Plan one-on-one time.
Time alone with your child usually consists of you giving him a ride to work while he texts a friend or scrolls through social media. Meaningful one-on-one time won’t happen by mere chance. Unless you intentionally plan for time alone with your child, it will not occur.
So how can you plan for this one-on-one time? Put it into your schedule. It doesn’t have to an official event or formal occasion. Your time alone with your child can be as simple as asking him to come with you to get groceries or to get some coffee.
Although your child may mildly protest or act uncomfortable, this time will mean the world to him. Why? Because your intentionality shows that you care enough about him to set aside time with him—sans siblings, sans official agenda, just him.
Consider using these one-on-one times to have two specific kinds of conversations. First, have meaningful conversations. Meaningful conversations do not have to be about sex, drugs, alcohol, etc. (although these are good things to talk about). These conversations should be merely about life—real problems, tough decisions, etc.
It’s easier as a parent to sweep political, racial, and moral issues under the rug, because you know you don’t always have the “right” answer. However, taking the time to talk about tough issues is important. Your future college freshman will hear differing opinions from others (not that he isn’t already hearing this).
Share with him concerns you have about his lack of character, his struggles with time management, etc. Your child may be oblivious to some of these flaws, unless you share them with him. And always, always come from a spirit of love. You’re sharing these things, because you love him, not because you condemn him.
Second, have open dialogue. When your child does go to college, he will be confronted with other viewpoints or worldviews. He will likely be filled with questions. Start the pattern of open dialogue with him this summer.
Allow him to ask questions, tough questions. Allow him to challenge your thinking respectfully. Allow him to hear about your past, your mistakes, and your regrets, so that he can learn.
Being open and transparent as a parent can be frightening, troublesome, and embarrassing, but do not allow your fears to keep you from having meaningful conversations and open dialogue. These conversations are important and may have more of an influence than you think they do.
Plan family time.
Family time may be hard to have in your household. Everybody has a busy schedule, and yours is no exception. Sometimes your children resent you for wanting this time together, so in the end it’s easier to give up on the idea than to make plans for quality family time.
While family time may seem more like an ideal to strive for than an actual practice, it is possible but not without planning. Family time doesn’t have to be a fancy vacation or outing. It can merely be a game night, a movie, or eating a meal together.
How can you make family time a reality? Start by giving your high school graduate a say in the activity. If the goal of this time is to spend time specifically with your child that is heading to college, be sure he actually enjoys what you are doing. While he can’t control every family time, allowing him to have a say may help the time be more successful.
If you are struggling for some family time options, try some of these suggestions:
Go on a hike.
Go to a park and play frisbee or another family friendly sport.
Explore a nearby small town’s downtown.
Go to an escape room.
Visit your city’s downtown.
Play Jackbox games.
Have a supper where everybody contributes one dish.
While your family time doesn’t have to be an all-day affair, setting aside at least an hour or two will be necessary. In this time, be sure to focus on each other. That means, ignoring some work emails you may need to respond later that night, putting phones on silent, and waiting until tomorrow to complete some housework.
In the busyness of this summer, don’t forget to make plans to spend time together. After your child goes to college, your family won’t be exactly the same. Family time will be slightly different, and your time together will change. Enjoy these days before college with some time together as a family.
Plan needed conversations.
Although your child is far beyond the birds-and-the-bees talk, there are some conversations you still need to have. These conversations may be uncomfortable for you and your child, but they need to happen. Postponing them over and over won’t help them go away.
What meaningful conversations should you be having? One is sharing your expectations. In my post, “How to Help Your Child Excel in College,” I point to sharing early and often as being a key to helping your child succeed in this transition from high school to college.
Parents of college freshmen often forget to communicate. While you wish your child would have the common sense to do things like call home, sometimes new college students forget about these obvious expectations. Sharing your expectations before your child begins [his] classes will help [him] meet your expectations.
When sharing your expectations, be cautious that they do not sound like demands or threats. But also be sure he knows that you expect him to do his best, to try hard, and to learn. He isn’t at school to meet girls or party. He’s there to get an education.
Another meaningful conversation includes talking about future plans. In my post “How to Talk About Your Freshman’s Future,” I share this:
Your freshman does need to start thinking about the future: his major, his summer job, his post-college job, etc. You are wise in wanting him to start making plans. Instead of adding well-meaning but unhelpful comments, consider a better alternative . . . [Phrase your] comments . . . as questions.
Rather than telling him what he should do with his future or objecting to his ideas, ask him questions that get him to think. For example, instead of telling him to “follow his dreams,” consider asking “what do you enjoy doing with your free time?” This kind of a question can get some fairly immature answers, but pressing him to describe what he enjoys and why he enjoys it can help him to start thinking about pursuing classes and even a major that he enjoys.
A third meaningful conversation includes discussing finances. You may be trying to figure out what college expenses you will or will not pay for this next year. While the numbers are running round and round in your mind, your freshman be unaware of these financial pressures. Help your freshman be aware and informed by discussing his finances and yours as well.
In my post, “5 Financial Facts Your College Freshman Doesn’t Understand,” I share more about the cost of college. Skipping classes, grabbing coffee after classes most days, and purchasing clothing add up quickly. Help your child truly understand how much college costs, and how his decisions impact him financially.
This summer's not over yet. You can still plan for meaningful time with your child before he leaves for college. Take advantage of every moment by planning one-on-one time, family time, and needed conversations, because soon he’ll be leaving for college.
