How to Help Your College Freshman Deal with Loneliness

“College is supposed to be the best time of your life,” “you’ll look back on these years as the good old days,” “your college friends will be your friends for the rest of your life,” etc.—these kinds of comments aren’t helpful to the lonely college freshman.

Honestly your college freshman may be feeling more lonely now than ever before. Everybody seems to have a group of people, except your child. How can you help your college freshman cope with loneliness?

4 Ways to Encourage Your College Freshman

1. Encourage your freshman to realize he is not alone in his loneliness.

Loneliness is a feeling to which everyone can relate. Regardless of your stage of life, you will experience loneliness. However, your college freshman may be experiencing loneliness on a different level.

Being far away from home and seemingly dropped in the middle of strangers will result in some loneliness. Cornell freshman Emery Bergmann created a video explaining the feelings that many freshman have. She accurately describes how isolated the typical college freshman feels. Your child is normal. It would be unusual if he didn’t feel this way.

2. Encourage your freshman to stop comparing himself.

I support use of social media. I think it’s a fantastic tool for communicating with people you wouldn’t meet any other way. So, I don’t think the solution to loneliness is to deactivate your social media accounts. In fact, I would encourage your freshman to keep those accounts. Here’s why.

Your child communicates differently with family and friends than you did as a college student. Your freshman messages over various platforms, not just over the phone. He feels more comfortable communicating this way than you do. It is more natural to him than talking on the phone or texting.

With all the positives of social media, it can also provide opportunity for comparison. Encourage your freshman to remember that social media is usually people showing the best, not the sometimes painfully honest, versions of themselves.

Remind your freshman that everyone is different. Some people adjust to new settings more quickly than others. Some people come to college knowing people. But your child just needs to be himself.

3. Encourage your freshman to be himself.

New social situations provide opportunities for a new start. And while a new start can be good, it can also be unnecessary pressure for the new college student.

Maybe your child wants to be less awkward, more confident, and generally just have his act together. These are admirable desires! Expecting to change overnight into this person, however, is unrealistic. Your child won’t be able to radically change who he is by just wanting to change. This process will take time.

Generally people like you best when you’re comfortable being yourself. So, encourage your freshman to be comfortable with who he is. If you haven’t told him lately how intelligent, talented, and enjoyable he is to be around: tell him! He needs to hear this, because he may be feeling like a failure or an outcast.

There’s nothing wrong with your freshman. Your child just needs to be himself.

4. Encourage your freshman to befriend the right kind of people.

Friends often are a reflection of who someone is or who someone wants to be. So, making friends in college is important. College friends can be an important influence on your freshman.

Help your freshman realize that he needs to surround himself with inspiring, intelligent, compassionate, and kind people. Your freshman should not bother himself with the exclusive crowd that is filled with constant drama and back-stabbing.

Your freshman needs friends who lift others up, provide encouragement and counsel and challenge your child to be the best version of himself. These kinds of friends can make a wonderful impact on your freshman.

Feeling lonely is just part of the college experience. It is. But your freshman might not believe this if all he’s ever heard is: “this is the best time of your adult life.” Be available to talk, send snacks from home and most importantly encourage your freshman. Encourage him to realize he is not alone in his loneliness, to stop comparing himself, to be himself and to befriend the right kinds of people. Your child will find his group. It just takes time. After all, good things come to those who wait.