“That’s not fair.”

“Your teacher isn’t doing their job.”

“You shouldn’t be treated that way.”

During the height of COVID-19, educational institutions needed to make drastic adjustments.

Classes moved online, students isolated when they developed symptoms, and teachers extended deadlines and adjusted their grading practices.

All of these measures were necessary and needed.

Now that, mercifully, the virus is less prevalent overall and students can in many cases attend classes unmasked, many of these protocols have been lifted.

Classes can fully be in-person (at many colleges). Students can self-monitor and even attend classes while awaiting test results. Teachers can maintain deadlines and return to regular grading practices.

But this adjustment back to “normal” college is hard for many students.

Teachers no longer extend deadlines or grade based on a pass-fail system.

This may not seem fair, but these consequences are actually helpful to your college freshman who hasn’t had a normal school year in a long time.

Below are three areas in which freshmen can experience unpleasant but beneficial consequences that help them get the most out of their college experience!

Before I proceed any more in this post, I want to insert these three disclaimers:

1. I am not a parent, which means I cannot fully understand how hard it can be to see your child struggle.

2. I am white, which means I cannot fully understand the challenges that students of minorities have had to overcome. (Additionally, this post is not meant to address students facing these unique challenges.

3. This post is my viewpoint as a college instructor. I regularly have to fight my own bias as I grade, assess individual situations, and sometimes consider the merit of students who contest grades.

Attendance Requirements

Every college has a policy about class attendance, campus-wide-event attendance, etc.

Often college faculty have attendance policies for their courses as well.

These requirements are typically stated in a course syllabus that is shared on the first day of classes.

They are also typically shared verbally in class during the first week of classes.

Usually your freshman will have an allotted amount of absences allowed in a course that at most will result in a slight grade penalty for absences not taken due to sickness or emergencies.

Unfortunately, many freshmen who are struggling with time management, motivation, or fatigue choose to skip a class rather than attend.

While this may not sound like a big deal, these skips can result in your child missing valuable information they need to succeed in a course.

If your child is withdrawn from a class, placed on a type of academic probation, or receives some other kind of penalty due to their amount of absences, they haven’t earned these consequences without first receiving warning.

Assignment Deadlines

As stated earlier, your child receives a course syllabus for each class in which they are enrolled.

On these syllabi are listed all of the deadlines throughout the semester. They also include late-work policies to help your freshman know what their options are if they are not ready for a test, speech, etc.

In addition to a paper or online syllabus, colleges often have online course pages that provide reminders to your freshman.

Especially in freshman-level courses, professors are more generous in providing reminders leading up to larger assignments to help these new college students.

Unfortunately, one of the consequences of the loose deadlines during the pandemic is that many college students (especially freshmen) are struggling to adjust back to the idea of enforced deadlines.

Due to the large quantity of grades most teachers of a freshman-level course teach, sticking to these deadlines is necessary for them to meet the learning objectives of the course.

If your child receives a grade deduction or even a zero on an assignment, project, or paper, they haven’t earned this consequence without first receiving many reminders in person, online, and on paper.

Academic Rigor

You want your child to receive the best education possible, which is part of the reason you likely guided them to the college which they attend.

While there are certainly a few teachers who may take “rigor” too far, many professors teach because they love helping students learn and grow as a person. (Their motivation isn’t to make your freshman’s life difficult or frustrating.)

If your child’s teacher is pushing them to a slightly higher standard than they’re used to, this is a sign they are investing in your child’s growth and maturity.

If your child earned a lower grade than they expected, this is a sign they have room to continue growing. (Bad grades aren’t necessarily a sign your child isn’t “college material” or a sign that a class is a waste of their time.)

Your child’s teachers are willing to help them get to the level at which they’d like to perform.

Your child’s college most likely provides a writing center, tutoring, and more to help them continue improving their grades.

So how can you help if your child is experiencing lots of consequences?

There are many things a parent can do to be unhelpful like stepping in on your child’s behalf or even completing your freshman’s coursework to help lighten their load.

Please choose to take a step back and let your child fight their own battles. They learn much more when this happens (more on this later…see tip #3 below).

There are also many things a parent can do to be helpful. Here are a few of my suggestions:

1. Assume you’re only hearing your freshman’s perspective.

Your freshman may often have a good read of the situation, but they can only share their perspective. They don’t know what their professor is thinking or is motivated by. 

Rather than taking sides, you can listen empathetically and ask them questions that help them consider other perspectives (see this post for more on this).

2. Remind them college is about learning.

College has sadly become so commercialized that your freshman may even have a cynical viewpoint of their education.

But at its core, college is about learning. Part of that learning process may look like experiencing some form of failure.

Sometimes students are so fearful of failing that they forget that they should be experiencing some failure. Failure is how they learn and what helps them grow as a person.

Your freshman may need this reminder, especially if they struggle with anxiety or perfectionism.

3. Encourage them to advocate for themselves.

Refusing to step in is probably one of the biggest ways you can help your freshman.

Instead, encourage them to advocate or speak on their own behalf to professors, advisors, and others.

Not only is this a valuable skill they need in adulthood, but this act can help to increase your freshman’s self confidence.

4. Encourage them to improve their habits.

The consequences your freshman may be currently experiencing are usually a result of many choices, not just one choice.

For example, if your freshman earned a zero on an assignment due to forgetting to submit that assignment, there were likely many spaces in your child’s schedule where they could have at least started on the assignment.

Your freshman may have developed some bad habits over the last few years, and those habits may be finally catching up with them.

Rather than inserting an “I told you so,” ask them in what ways they will work to prevent themselves from experiencing similar consequences in the future. 

Help them make the connection between actions and consequences.

They may make the same mistake again and again, but eventually they will change their actions once they take responsibility for their behavior and make wiser choices.

Seeing your child experience consequences is tough. 

You know the skill and potential they have, and you want them to experience success in college and after college.

But the real question to ask yourself isn’t “What can I do to help my child succeed?” but “What will I not do in order to ensure my child succeeds?”

Parent, if your freshman’s success is your aim, I urge you to let your child experience unpleasant consequences (even the unfair ones).