Why Your College Freshman Doesn't Call Home

You just dropped her off at college. You moved every single suitcase into a tiny, smelly room. The goodbye was full of tears. You could barely pull yourself away. Is your college freshman ready for college?

Many parents experience this mix of emotions. You want your child to go off to school and grow into a successful adult but also fear all the changes ahead. For the first month or so, your child may be great at communicating. But as time goes on, you hear less and less from your college freshman.

You may imagine the worst has happened. Don’t go there! This lack of communication is completely normal. Your student may be refraining from calling home for these 4 reasons.

4 Reasons Your College Freshman Doesn’t Call Home

 1. Your college freshman is embarrassed.

Your freshman is surrounded by upperclassmen who “have it all together.” Your child may not feel like she belongs at college but wants to. Your freshman may have already made some dumb decisions but will not tell you. She doesn’t want to hear you say “I told you so."

Your freshman wants to “save face.” Your child might feel humiliated that he tried to ask out the cute girl sitting next to him in English class and failed. He might feel frustrated that he couldn’t figure out how much detergent to use in doing his laundry. But he doesn’t want you to know about it. Your child doesn’t want you to correct him.

2. Your college freshman needs some space.

So much has changed in your freshman’s life within a few weeks. Your freshman may be experiencing a culture shock. Your child is on her own without mom or dad to bail her out. She's alone. For the typical freshman, this aloneness is a brand new experience. The idea of not going home for months may be overwhelming.

Calling home may remind your freshman that he won't see you for weeks. Calling home only makes living with complete strangers even harder. Be sure to give him space to process and adjust to all this change.

3. Your college freshman is busy.

Your college freshman is much busier than ever before. She is most likely not avoiding your calls. It may appear that she is dodging your calls, but she’s not.

For the first time ever, your child has life responsibilities for almost every area of life—eating, sleeping, social activities, classes, etc. This is probably a brand new (and overwhelming) experience. Even the thought of adding “call home” to the daily to-do list may add to the overwhelming stress of college.

4. Your college freshman wants independence.

Your college freshmen wants to be his own person. Your child wants the freedom to stay up later than he should. He wants to eat whatever and whenever he wants. Your freshman wants to have his own things to complain about.

Before this time, your child’s life was intricately connected with yours. In the past your freshman probably had little to claim for herself. Your child wants ownership of her own life, time, money and reputation.

Your college freshman really does miss you. He does. He just may not call home every day. This doesn’t mean he has forgotten you. He just needs some space to become the successful adult you want him to be.