Some college freshmen show their insecurity in more obvious ways.

They look and act awkward when they interact with their peers, their parents, and their teachers.

But not every freshman is as obvious in their insecurities. 

Your freshman may come across as extremely gifted, self-motivated, and type-A while also being deeply insecure.

I know this, because I was this student. 

I seemed to have it “all together.” I could easily converse with peers and adults. I appeared confident and self-assured, but I wasn’t. 

I was deeply insecure. I felt like I was never enough or never did enough (more on this in this other post).

No matter how well you believe you know your freshman, you may be surprised to learn how they view themself.

So how can you figure out if your freshman struggles with self-confidence? Below are tips to identify and address your freshman’s lack of self-confidence!

How do you know your freshman struggles with self-confidence?

They set lots of goals but cannot keep them.

A freshman who struggles with confidence may constantly reach for the stars and seem to fall short, which only adds to their lack of self-confidence.

Your freshman may be a constant goal-setter. They know they need to grow and can see key areas they want to grow.

The difference is that your freshman can rarely if ever seem to meet those goals.

They cannot implement their own good solutions.

Your freshman probably knows what to do. In fact, they may be their friends’ source of advice.

Somehow, however, when it comes to their own struggles and challenges, your freshman doesn’t put their own good advice into action. 

Maybe they fail to see the similarities or maybe they simply don’t believe they can.

They consistently doubt their proven abilities.

You know how capable your child is. You’ve seen them do amazing things that surprised you in the best way.

Somehow your freshman doesn’t see this. They don’t believe they can do the things they’ve been doing successfully in other contexts.

Even after repeated achievements, they don’t think they have what it takes.

How can you help them build confidence?

Pause before inserting advice.

It’s so hard not to offer advice.

I regularly have to practice holding my tongue when a student comes to my office with questions.

Why do I restrain myself? I know that the best way to help this student mature and experience future success is to let them identify the solution.

I can only imagine how difficult it is not to jump in and offer advice to a child. You know what to do, maybe even because you’ve tried what doesn’t work before.

Though your motives may be pure, offering advice may actually do the opposite of what you intended.

Your advice may signal you don’t think your freshman can figure it out or navigate it on their own.

Your advice may withhold an opportunity for your freshman to exercise their problem-solving abilities and build confidence that comes from making an important decision on their own.

When in doubt, hold back from giving advice—especially if your freshman hasn’t asked for it.

Ask what they’d advise a friend to do.

Asking your freshman to “think aloud” with you can be one the kindest and wisest ways to help them build self-confidence.

By removing the personal aspect from their situation, you can help your freshman to take a step back and give an objective take on their situation.

This can help your freshman to see for themself that they do have what it takes and do know what to do.

Ask them for advice.

Who doesn’t like being asked to give input? You enjoy when you’re advice is sought after, so do I. Your freshman isn’t that different.

While you’re still the parent and they're still your child, asking your freshman for advice when appropriate can be a way to instill confidence in their own abilities.

For example, you’re not sure what to get another child for their birthday. Ask your freshman what they think you should get.

This simple act of showing you notice their taste, observation skills, or gift-giving ability can help to make them see they do have skills that you find valuable and helpful.

An added bonus is that asking for advice is one of the best ways to give a compliment without actually complimenting your freshman directly.

No eyerolls or “you’re just saying that because you’re my mom” comments will likely result from you genuinely asking for input in an area where they have ability or skill.

While your freshman may not show obvious insecurities, that doesn’t mean they don’t have them. 

By allowing your freshman to see they have valuable skills and gifts that help others, they will likely in turn see this fact for themselves.

And a valued freshman is a self-confident freshman.