Will your child fit in? Will your child adjust to the rigor of college life? Will your child’s roommate be a good influence? As your new college freshman heads to college, you may have some worries like these.

Moving into a new social situation is challenging at any time of life, but it is especially challenging in this time in your child’s life. How can you help make this adjustment easier? Below are 3 suggestions for helping ease your soon-to-be college freshman into the college social life.

Allow for social autonomy.

Depending on your parenting style, your soon-to-be freshman may already have a decent amount of autonomy. However, college life provides even more autonomy than most parents provide.

Family events, meals, and other events you require your child to take part in will not be required at college. Though you want to savor these last weeks with your child at home, you may be able to achieve these memories and allow for some social independence.

Try to find some middle ground if possible. Allow your child to have some independence socially. This could look like:

• Allowing your child to spend time throughout the day with friends but request they make time for family in the evenings

• Allowing your child to spend certain evenings/nights out with friends but set aside other days for family

By allowing for more social independence, you can help ease this transition from high school to college.

Require more responsibility.

Privileges come along with responsibilities, especially as an adult. If your child has more privileges post-high school, then that same child should probably have more responsibilities that accompany it. 

While you don’t run a military boot camp, your child is still living in your home. Living at home still requires a level of responsibility from your child. 

Requiring your child to help around the house (e.g. clean dishes) signals to them that they need to contribute. This practice isn’t that unlike how the college dorm works. Dorm life requires a similar level of responsibility.

Requiring more responsibility can help to communicate the relationship between actions and consequences. If your child decides to go to a party the night before a test, the test may not go very well. If your child makes a choice to watch a movie with friends while doing homework, the homework may be lacking or incorrectly completed. This helps your child see that they have ownership and responsibility for their choices and the resulting consequences.

By requiring your child to take some responsibility, you are preparing them for adulthood. This reality may not be fully comprehended while at home, but your child will be better off as a result of this principle being instilled before college.

Have tough conversations.

Safety is a big concern for many college parents. Campus safety, coronavirus safety, and more weigh on your mind. While you want your child to experience college, you have concerns (fully legitimate concerns).

You want to ensure your freshman will be safe and make safe choices. Before you say your goodbyes, be sure to sit down and have some tough and even awkward conversations with your child about these topics:

• Alcohol: If there are alcoholic substances served at parties, what should your freshman do? What should your child do if offered alcohol? Etc.

• Drugs: What if your child’s roommate is consuming drugs? What if someone offers your child drugs? What if your freshman finds herself in a vulnerable situation with people on drugs? Etc.

• Sex: What should your freshman do if a roommate is participating in sexual activities in the dorm room? When should your freshman communicate with you if put in an uncomfortable situation? Etc.

• COVID: What should your freshman do if they are showing coronavirus symptoms? Should your freshman adhere to school health policies (e.g. mask-wearing)? Etc.

• Health insurance: What information does your freshman need to know if injured? Does your freshman know what to do if at an emergency room? Who should your freshman contact first if sick or injured? Etc.

• College parties: Should your freshman attend parties off-campus? How can your freshman be smart and safe when attending parties? Etc.

• College relationships: Should your freshman wait until later in college to pursue a serious dating relationship? What should your freshman do if romantically rejected by someone? Etc.

• Spirituality: How should your freshman respond to different belief systems? How should your freshman interact with those who think differently about faith and religion? Etc.

This is certainly not an extensive list. However, these topics are often ones that seem uncomfortable to talk about with your child. The reality is talking about these situations before rather than after a situation occurs is usually best.

Your child probably thinks they know much about the college social life from social media, television, and movies. In reality, your freshman is fairly clueless. Help this transition be smooth by giving your child some autonomy, requiring more responsibility, and having tough conversations.