4 Worries Every High School Graduate's Parent Experiences
You blinked and your child is now graduating from high school. How did the time pass so quickly? How is your child old enough to go to college?
While you may be excited for your high school student to graduate, you probably have some mixed emotions. This time in between completing high school and beginning college is difficult for you and your graduate. You want your high school graduate to start having an adult mentality and taking more responsibility, but you’re not sure you’re ready to let go. Facing these 4 questions can help you make the best of this last summer before college.
Is your high school graduate ready for college?
You did your best job raising your child. You were not perfect in your parenting, but you strived to be a good parent. However, you still have doubts in the back of your mind: “Did I do a good job preparing my child for college?”
Your words of wisdom are not always well received. Sometimes your cautions are often met with an eye roll, but you still have mini panic attacks when you remember lessons you forgot to share. You know that college will be an adjustment for your graduate. Even if he was an academically successful student, you still have worries he may not be ready for the difficult of college courses. How can you help him be successful academically?
First, pass the ownership of his grades to him. Your graduate’s grades are out of your hands. (Legally, colleges are not allowed to share his grades with you unless your child gives them permission.) You can no longer monitor his studying habits or test grades. Your child must learn to motivate himself to earn good grades.
Second, focus your attention on the learning process. The reality is that good grades will only help your graduate get so far. Your graduate’s college studies will be more serious, because they will guide his career choices. Enjoying what he studies is more important than earning a 4.0.
Third, expect your graduate’s grades to be lower in college. College classes are more difficult than high school classes. Even if your child is intelligent and applies himself, his grades may not be as high as they were in high school. Earning Cs and Ds may have been unacceptable for your child while he was in high school, but earning Cs (the average grade) in college is common, meaning the majority of freshmen earn Cs.
Some high school graduates are truly not ready for college. Sometimes attending college can be a needed wake-up call, but some graduates would do better to take a gap year between high school and college. If your freshman has little direction about his future or acts extremely irresponsibly on a regular basis, he may do better to wait on college.
I wrote an article that discusses the 5 signs your child should not go to college. Click here to read!
How will you pay for college?
College is expensive, but nobody has to tell you that. You might spend nights tossing and turning, wondering how you will be able to afford sending a child to college. Should you pay for the entirety of your child’s college education?
Your child probably doesn’t truly understand the cost of college. In fact, he’s probably fairly oblivious about finances in general. Your high school graduate likely cannot afford to contribute to many of his college bills, even though he’s worked a part-time job for a few years. What should you do?
Start by having an honest discussion with your graduate about the extent you are able to help pay for college. Share the specific amounts due for his bills while also clearly explaining the value of a college education. Discuss having your high school graduate take some of the financial burden for his education. Whatever amount you decide to pay, be sure you are honest and clear. Your graduate needs to know what he’s getting himself into when attending college.
In my personal opinion, no parent should pay for all of a child’s college education. Why? First, your child will not put in the same amount of effort. According to University of California’s sociology professor Dr. Laura Hamilton, “Students with parental fundings often perform well enough to stay in school, but dial down their academic efforts.” Her research also revealed that “parental aid [actually] decreases student GPA.”
Second, your child will not value your money. Paying the bills gives you a different perspective. You see the value of a dollar you earned. If your child doesn’t pay for his bills, he will likely value your money slightly less. Because he has no “skin in the game,” he will not react as he should to making costly mistakes. Earning his own money and paying some of his own bills will help him carefully think before making financial decisions.
Third, your child will not spend time as well. Learning to balance school with the other parts of life is an important skill, which is often learned in college. Your child needs to learn to balance different responsibilities in his schedule, otherwise school will probably become less and less of a priority because of being his only priority.
Is your high school graduate in the right field?
Choosing a college and a major requires months of consideration. Even if your high school graduate has always known what he wanted to do or where he wanted to go, actually making the decision can be difficult. Sometimes a high graduate can experience seasons of doubt, because he doesn’t want to make the wrong choice.
You know he can be successful if he puts his mind to it. You simply want him to pursue what he loves and be the best he can be. How can you help him be sure of his choices?
First, be careful not to pressure your child into a major. Your high school graduate is still changing as a person. The next four years will be a time of dramatic growth. Your child’s tastes, desires, and passions will change. What he loves now, he may despise later. Phrases like “do what you love” or “pursue your passion” may be more misleading than helpful, because doing often precedes loving. Try not to use them when guiding his decision.
In addition, watch for projecting your desires on your graduate’s future. If your child chooses a major solely based on your urging, he may struggle. Your child needs to pick a major that fits his skill sets and desires. In other words, he must have an aptitude for what he studies and truly enjoy learning and doing work in his major.
Second, be careful not to pressure your child to attend a specific school. While you may have a soft spot for your alma mater, that school may not be the best fit for your child. Your opinion and viewpoint are important and should be considered, but your freshman needs to attend a school that is a good fit for him.
Consider providing a list of 3-5 schools of which you approve. Determine what will be your course of action if your child does not want to attend a college from your list. Be willing to have conversations about colleges not on that list. Be open to a compromise of sorts. For example, allow your child to attend the school of his choice after attending a school of your choice for one year.
Remember that a low tuition cost is not the most important criteria when attending a college, but do consider how much you will contribute if your child is completely uncooperative. Your child should have a say in where he attends college but so should you.
How will you get your high school graduate ready for college?
In between now and August, you and your high school graduate have much to prepare. Doctor appointments need to be made, dorm room supplies need to be purchased, and textbooks need to be acquired. How will you ever be able to complete all these tasks before the fall?
Moving to a college dorm room requires much preparation. Your child, however, may seem aloof or indifferent to the approaching move. You most likely will need to assist him in this process. Creating some deadlines may help this process be less overwhelming. Try using deadlines like the ones below to help you prepare for the trip:
June: check your child’s immunization records, schedule a physical, schedule a dentist appointment, schedule an eye appointment, complete available scholarship applications
July: purchase dorm room supplies, consider transportation options for college, have your child apply for work at college
August: buy luggage and containers to transport personal items to college, have your child pack his things, plan the time and transportation for the trip to college, rent/purchase required textbooks, have your child contact his roommate
After arriving at college: buy cleaning supplies and paper products, buy food, buy hangers and containers to use in the dorm room
You should not be the only one checking items off the list, but be sure you communicate what tasks you would like your freshman to complete. Allow some cushion time in case your child doesn’t complete his tasks on time. Be flexible but try to stay on track, so that the last few weeks are not chaotic.
Each of your worries are valid, but at the end of the day you have to step back and realize you did your best. Your college-bound graduate will survive and learn how to thrive in the college environment. You can be at ease, knowing that your efforts were not in vain and you can be prepared for the journey to college.
